Dear Auntie Agony,

Me and a friend got really close through our church last year, and i told her how Christlike i thought her life was. Now, though it seems like she is starting to not be her, rock solid self. like she would never do anything that was wrong, or could be interpreted that way, but now its okay to hang all over guys, and disobey her parents, and use bad language. But then we get to church on Sunday and she is this perfect little, God-following angel who would never hug a guy. And during Wednesday night church she is texting and talking and totally ignoring the message, unless the pastor or our parents are around. I don’t know how to talk to her. I tried but she just blew me off. I don’t want to lose my friendship, but if she keeps doing this, well, it gets annoying…what should I do?

It’s really hard to see the clay, not-so-pretty feet of someone that you like a lot - and used to admire. Is she going through a period where she’s unsure of herself and is trying to figure out who she is by pushing some limits? Or maybe this is the “real” girl who has been there - hidden - all along? She’s inconsiderate and maybe a little hypocritical since she’s acting one way in front of her friends and another in front of adults. It’s hard to see someone you used to look up to behaving in a way that doesn’t make her shine.

So…maybe it’s YOUR turn to be Christlike & rock solid - what do you say? Your friend was a good example to you and now you can be one to her. YOU listen to the message, and hang a bit more tightly with people who are acting respectfully, but still like regular teenagers. Talk with guys but don’t hang on them if she is. Confront her honestly but gently about how she’s changed, but if she blows you off again, then let her go. If you’re uncomfortable hanging with her and her current behavior put a little distance between the two of you and use the opportunity to know some of the other girls/guys at church.

Find a project to work on that doesn’t include her. Move a little closer to a new group. If she’s truly your friend, she’ll come back and want to spend time together which might include that honest but gentle discussion. If she doesn’t, maybe it was a friendship for a season, a season that has passed. Friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial. If it’s not feeling like that to you any more, time to move on.

Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1

Dear Auntie Agony,

My parents are getting a divorce. It makes me really sad, and also, kind of worried. If your parents break up, does that mean there’s more chance for you to get a divorce, too, when get married?

I’m sorry about your parents divorce. Divorce is hard. In the book of Malachi, the Bible says that God hates divorce. I’ll bet that if you ask anyone who has ever been involved in a divorce - man, woman or child - they would say that they hate divorce, too. All people marry with the intention of staying together.

Because our world isn’t heaven it’s full of both health and sickness, purity and sin, giving and selfishness. We all struggle to make right decisions. Some of the choices people make hurt their spouse so much that the hurt person rightfully asks for a divorce. Other people make wrong decisions to divorce. Some people are divorced when they don’t want to be. Most of the time its a complicated situation.

Most parents want their kids to grow up to be wiser, stronger, and happier than they are. because of this, your parents will not want you to undergo the pain of a divorce, even if they are divorced themselves. Reassure your parents of your love and then ask them, “What can I do to avoid getting divorced when I grow up?” They will share their experiences in this area so that you can make the best choices possible. Just because your parents got a divorce doesn’t mean you have to. You can learn from their experiences, you can get Godly counsel. God can take something that was painful for your parents and family and use it to prepare you for your future. He can give you skills and insight that perhaps they didn’t have.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them. Romans 8:28 NLT

Hey! Welcome to the Auntie Agony site. British teens know that an Agony Aunt is a columnist who answers questions and offers advice to people who write in.

I want to hear from you!

Email me your questions about faith, family, friends, school, guys, or just about anything else on your mind. (Click on the link to the right - Ask Auntie Agony!) While I can’t answer all questions received or respond personally, I promise to answer at least one question each week.

Agonizingly yours,
Auntie

Okay, the first thing you have to do is define what “mean” is. Is she trash talking you behind your back or cutting you down in public? Making you follower to her leader? Or is she simply not doing things your way?  Maybe you were coming on too strong since you’re so happy to have her as a friend now. Don’t try to take new friendships from zero to sixty. If you did, she might have chilled things a bit to get some personal space.

After you’ve checked yourself out, you might ask her, “Did I do something to offend you? Can we talk about it?”

If she’s still mean then it’s time to take a closer look at your new “friend”. Consider the lowly lemon tree. At first you can’t tell the difference between it and any other kind of tree. Right? But then as time goes on maybe one lemon comes out, then two. The longer you stick with the tree, the more lemons you see. It takes time for real character to come out.

Don’t constantly analyze or gossip to see if you’re the only person seeing sour fruit. Don’t waste your time trying to change this person, either. If the problems don’t go away, look around and find good, sweet, kind friends. ‘Cause no matter what you do, until the other girl’s heart is changed, she can only serve lemonade.

A tree is identified by its fruit. Make a tree good, and its fruit will be good. Make a tree bad, and its fruit will be bad…For whatever is in your heart determine what you say. A good person produces good fruit from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil fruit from an evil heart. Matthew 12:33-35 NLT

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